Communication in relationships
In my view, relationships are the reason why we are all here. Learning how to relate to anyone, is a long, laborious, and rewarding process. But foremost, we need to know how to relate to ourselves.
During a therapeutic process, we find all the answers we need, and not always what we would like to hear. The process of self-discovering can also be very painful. At least it was for me.
My first years of receiving therapy and then eventually studying it were years of self-discovery and sometimes very painful. Becoming aware of myself, I questioned: “Wow, am I really like that?” I used to transfer to others what I didn’t have as a child. It was a painful process at times.
And It was like this, in this twisted way, that I entered relationships, hoping that my partner would give me what I so wished I had received from my parents.
Therapy is a safe place where you can do this work of recognizing and honoring what is yours and what belongs to others. It’s not blaming yourself but recognize what has been, what is and if necessary, to change what is possible, and manage what can not.
The first step to improve your communication in your relationship is to acknowledge your pain. The second step would be to learn how to express this pain to your partner without blaming the other part. Talk about where your pain comes from and how his/her behavior brings it out.
It takes a lot of courage and self-love to immerse yourself in this journey of learning.
- Get rid of closed concepts and wanting to be right.
Sometimes we are so ingrained in wanting to prove that we are right that we forget to consider the other person’s point of view.
- Be sincere, but always with kindness.
It’s not easy to deliver your thoughts or feelings. Writing it down on paper beforehand can help you to be clear about what you want to say and more importantly HOW you want to say it. Remember the qualities of your partner too. He/she is not all bad.
- Pay attention to your non-verbal behavior (tone of your voice, eye contact, your gestures and posture)
Not knowing how you are using your body- language, you might be sending messages of anger, distress, disgust, and your partner may respond accordingly. Take a moment, go for a walk, ground yourself before talking.
- Leave the past where it belongs.
It’s important if you want the relationship to progress in a healthy way to work on forgiveness and eventually leave the resolved situation in the past.
Therapy has great tools to help in this process.
Invest in you! Invest in your relationship!
Count on me.
Lucia Gardiner
@luciagardinertherapy