Conquer your inner voice

Among many other tools to raise self-esteem, it is necessary to exercise self-compassion, therefore, it is necessary to change your critical self-speech.

We use harsh, crude, and critical words with ourselves, we are crueler to ourselves than to others. The next time you are faced with a situation where criticism will jump out of your mouth, stop and ask yourself:

• What can I observe in me?

• What am I feeling?

• What do I need now?

• Do I have any requests to ask myself or anyone else?

For example, if your office is in a mess with lots of papers to be dealt with.

• Rather than finding yourself lazy or messy, go deeper and observe what you are feeling ... you may be frustrated, irritated. And maybe you need more organization. How could you achieve that? Ask a person, a friend to help you? Start the day early and pay attention to the office?

The important thing is to handle the critical voice. Treat yourself as you would treat someone dear to you. 

• Accept this moment of pain or frustration. Say to yourself, “This is a time for… (frustration, anger, disappointment, etc.). Be kind to yourself, hold your hands and caress it, giving yourself a sense of support.

• Emotions of kindness release oxytocin, a hormone of joy.

• Self-criticism can take you to a very painful place, called shame. Shame increases your criticism and hides your beautiful imperfections.

• Yes, we have to remember that we are imperfect and that is part of life.

• By doing these self-compassion exercises, you will begin to judge yourself less and when you do, you will have the ability to come back to you faster.

• And there is also a tool that you can use for others as well. It does not mean that you have to lower yourself or accept insults. But don't blame yourself for a situation that may be caused by the other's self-criticism, being projected on you.

I once read something by Chico Xavier that said “When obsessive spirits come close to those who criticize themselves, they are even sad because that person is already doing the work for them”.

And in the Bible we also read: "Love others as yourself". So love yourself as you love your loved ones.

In therapy sessions you will find a safe place to develop your self-love and self-pity.

Gratitude,

Lucia Gardiner